As high-performing professionals in our industries, being confident and speaking up should be easy. You have a deep understanding of your field, you’re successful, and you crush the tasks in your path. But as women in male-dominated industries, the path to our autonomy is a tightrope walk. We balance the expectations of society, other people’s perceptions, and our own self-doubt.
We’re talking about how to be confident, be assertive, and be respectable. Just because you have something to say doesn’t mean you’re rude. If managing your own self-doubt is something you struggle with, check out my download to work through your limiting self-beliefs.
What’s stopping you?
The first step to speaking up with confidence is to identify your internal blocks. Why are you not speaking up? What’s holding you back? Once you identify the reasons you feel blocked or insecure, you can begin to reverse engineer ways to address your self-talk.
Do you feel as if speaking up will communicate that you’re not a team player? In fact, the opposite is true. Speaking up and challenging the groupthink of your team respectfully shows that you care about the trajectory of your work. You care enough that you put yourself out there and say what needs to be said—even if it’s uncomfortable. It shows you’re not just a member of the team, but a leader.
Do you feel like you’re going to make your boss mad? This line of thinking is unfair to you and your boss. If you are creating a conversation and scenario in your head, deciding that the other person will be upset, and silently resenting the existence of a conversation that never happened, you’re cutting your ability to build relationships—before you even start.
Talking yourself out of your voice, perspective, and opinion while also deciding on someone else’s behalf what their reaction will be, is self-sabotage. You have to allow yourself to be seen, and sometimes people will surprise you.
What happens if you talk to your boss, they appreciate hearing from you, and you end up building a stronger relationship based on sharing perspectives and confident communication? That is a possibility too, but all too often, we spend our time talking ourselves out of things that can develop us because they’re scary.
Are you trying to be perfect?
Spoiler alert: you’re not perfect, no one is. And that’s a wonderful opportunity for growth and evolution. When you take the plunge and speak up, it might not come out correctly. Like anything in life, speaking up takes practice and constant revision. What works for that guy down the hall that everyone loves might not work for you, and vice versa.
You have to raise your hand, give it a shot, and see how it lands. Wayne Gretzky says, “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.” He’s not wrong. Your experience and perspective are too valuable not to share with others.
If you are speaking up for the first time, take time to analyze your performance afterward. If something went well, do more of that. If something didn’t land well, think about why, and make slight adjustments for next time.
Confidence is a muscle you develop over time. Start saying the things that are genuinely your perspective. It’s how you grow. Yes, you will make some mistakes, but you won’t get fired. Speaking up allows you to show up authentically. It opens you to the possibility of strengthening a relationship with a mentor or getting to know your coworkers better.
When you present an idea, it might feel vulnerable, but it shows you care enough to contribute and are engaged with the process and the outcome. If your idea grows and changes because of the group’s influence, it doesn’t mean it was a bad idea. It means it was a great idea they took and ran with!
So much of our relationships with others have to do with our relationship with ourselves. If you are apologetic for taking up space, people will walk over you. If you’re feeling helpless inside and try to control others on the outside, people will see that. The more you practice creating your inner strength and voice, your coworkers will notice. You will feel more confident, and they will feel more confident in you.
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